The Unfortunate Bird

I'm a swallow, they call me, i'm meant to be swift,

but i'm terribly unlucky, i'm caught in life's drift

i've died many times, in some millions of ways,

i've been known to search death out like a needle from hay,

and it just keeps on going, i hatch and then end,

i'm a kind of god-fetch, instead of god-send,

and i might write a book if i live long enough,

although i might get just get going if the going gets tough.

i've been killed by a hurricane, on the island of Skye

i went to get glasses but got a jet in my eye

i went to the doctor and got injected with morphine

i smiled too much and OD'd on endorphins

i was made of glass when a soprano got frightened,

i got burned to my core when a laser room brightened,

i've been killed by the flies that i chase and then eat

i've been vegetarian and been killed by bad meat,

i've taken up knitting and punctured my lungs,

i've climbed a ladder and been assaulted by rungs,

i've sipped some wine and destroyed my liver,

i've flown across oceans, then drowned in a river,

i once got trapped inside a china shop,

a bull put his hoof on my head and went "pop"

and i remember the day when i'd lived until three,

and a chinese man made me a cup of green tea,

and i once went to sleep on a princesses bed,

and they covered me in mattresses and crushed me like lead,

and i called to Rapunzel to "let down your hair!"

i was half way up, a gust hit, and i hit the ground bare,

i was mates with three pigs, and i went round for food,

a wolf blew the house down on me - it was just made of wood,

and i still remember when i stepped on the moon,

i opened my helmet and my cranium ballooned,

in school, sir made an error, said that "s" is for "bed",

and he missed the board completely, and erased me instead,

then to get some new skills, i took woodwork classes

but the drill burned out and i inhaled noxious gases,

so the message herein is that on me lady luck frowns,

and if i leave my house i'll probably have a mishap and drown,

but there's one event that was more unlucky than all,

it's a story that frightens, amazes, appals,

and it happened one day, in the borders of Scotland,

i was flying and minding my own business and humming, and

from out of nowhere, there came a white flash,

with the sort of menace, that can turn stone to ash,

and a razor blade hit me, struck me down in my prime,

but it was all in dead silence, like the death of a mime,

it was a three-bladed monster that ripped me apart,

an evil machine that dines on innocent hearts,

but i suppose it just follows from my previous history,

the unluckiest things are the ones that get the best of me,

and i for one can forgive that last beast,

because it part fills the plates for the human race feast,

and if it's just me that it managed to kill,

then there's hope for the rest and take it they will.